Dear Visitor
iam reprducing a forward from one my friend , and the views
and opinions are not mine and it is author's
Dear Mother in Law
I’m writing this for me, not for you…..please don’t think for one second that I am doing this for your well being, or to help you sleep at night…..I’m not. This is solely for my own benefit.
I’ve spent 18 years trying to be a certain person for you….trying to behave a certain way around you, holding my tongue, not laughing at things I found funny, and laughing at the inappropriate things you found funny….keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself……trying to make you ‘like’ me….it was believed that things would be easier that way....ugh
My husband, your son, taught me from the beginning, that people are just expected to lie, deceive and keep secrets from you, in order to avoid ‘upsetting’ you or ‘disappointing’ you. Your children showed me that you preferred to live the dream of having the certain ‘image’ of a family, even if it was not real….your own kids were completely different people when you were around…I saw this, and I was bewildered and amazed by it.…they were expected to uphold a certain image, and by coming into the family, I was also expected to keep this image. I learned from the start that you disapproved of me, and of my family, so I kept my mouth shut. I never talked about my family, because I was given the disapproving stare, and you looked down your nose at me….you asked questions, and judged me…making me feel as though I had to ‘explain’ or defend my family tree, and history….I learned to just keep it to myself….if I didn’t speak of my own family and my own past, then I didn’t have to be ‘judged’ by you. We could almost pretend it didn’t exist, and I didn't have to hear "Well, you're a product of your own environment" or "What? Your sister has a different father than you do? You don't know your father??"
Why did I do that? I don’t really know. I suppose there was some underlying fear of my husband’s reaction if I were to speak out of line. I see now, that I helped to create the mess I was in for years….I should have refused to conform….I should have just been myself, but I didn’t. I have always been the one to ‘not make waves’….I hated discord and confrontation of any kind….
I still do hate it, but the difference is, I no longer care what you think of me. I know now that I can speak my mind and if you don’t like it, that is your issue. I owe it to my children to ‘be myself’ ….they need to grow up seeing their mom being strong in her convictions, and not letting people step all over her….standing up for herself!!
So, in case you missed it…I DO NOT WANT OR NEED YOUR APPROVAL.
I no longer care to hear your opinions of me, of my mother, of my upbringing, of my beliefs, of my parenting styles, of my relationship with your son, of my family tree, of my housekeeping skills, of my social status, of my mother's 'sordid' past, of my culinary prowess, nor of my freaking hair colour!! I will no longer allow these opinions to have any weight in my life, or in my decision-making processes…
You stepped over a line….you said some things that can never, ever be unsaid…I will never forgive you for that…..I am not going back to that place again…..things are different now. You hurt me in a way that will never be repaired. I will not ever be the same with you again. I know you are aware of this change. I made it very clear to you when we were together last. Do not expect things to be the way they were. I am a different woman than I have been in the past. This year has been therapeutic for me, I am so much stronger, and more determined than ever to stand up for myself….I know I can, and I know my husband stands behind me on this. I feel empowered, and in control. Finally. It feels great.
So, it will be different. That is that.
Good day.
iam reprducing a forward from one my friend , and the views
and opinions are not mine and it is author's
Dear Mother in Law
I’m writing this for me, not for you…..please don’t think for one second that I am doing this for your well being, or to help you sleep at night…..I’m not. This is solely for my own benefit.
I’ve spent 18 years trying to be a certain person for you….trying to behave a certain way around you, holding my tongue, not laughing at things I found funny, and laughing at the inappropriate things you found funny….keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself……trying to make you ‘like’ me….it was believed that things would be easier that way....ugh
My husband, your son, taught me from the beginning, that people are just expected to lie, deceive and keep secrets from you, in order to avoid ‘upsetting’ you or ‘disappointing’ you. Your children showed me that you preferred to live the dream of having the certain ‘image’ of a family, even if it was not real….your own kids were completely different people when you were around…I saw this, and I was bewildered and amazed by it.…they were expected to uphold a certain image, and by coming into the family, I was also expected to keep this image. I learned from the start that you disapproved of me, and of my family, so I kept my mouth shut. I never talked about my family, because I was given the disapproving stare, and you looked down your nose at me….you asked questions, and judged me…making me feel as though I had to ‘explain’ or defend my family tree, and history….I learned to just keep it to myself….if I didn’t speak of my own family and my own past, then I didn’t have to be ‘judged’ by you. We could almost pretend it didn’t exist, and I didn't have to hear "Well, you're a product of your own environment" or "What? Your sister has a different father than you do? You don't know your father??"
Why did I do that? I don’t really know. I suppose there was some underlying fear of my husband’s reaction if I were to speak out of line. I see now, that I helped to create the mess I was in for years….I should have refused to conform….I should have just been myself, but I didn’t. I have always been the one to ‘not make waves’….I hated discord and confrontation of any kind….
I still do hate it, but the difference is, I no longer care what you think of me. I know now that I can speak my mind and if you don’t like it, that is your issue. I owe it to my children to ‘be myself’ ….they need to grow up seeing their mom being strong in her convictions, and not letting people step all over her….standing up for herself!!
So, in case you missed it…I DO NOT WANT OR NEED YOUR APPROVAL.
I no longer care to hear your opinions of me, of my mother, of my upbringing, of my beliefs, of my parenting styles, of my relationship with your son, of my family tree, of my housekeeping skills, of my social status, of my mother's 'sordid' past, of my culinary prowess, nor of my freaking hair colour!! I will no longer allow these opinions to have any weight in my life, or in my decision-making processes…
You stepped over a line….you said some things that can never, ever be unsaid…I will never forgive you for that…..I am not going back to that place again…..things are different now. You hurt me in a way that will never be repaired. I will not ever be the same with you again. I know you are aware of this change. I made it very clear to you when we were together last. Do not expect things to be the way they were. I am a different woman than I have been in the past. This year has been therapeutic for me, I am so much stronger, and more determined than ever to stand up for myself….I know I can, and I know my husband stands behind me on this. I feel empowered, and in control. Finally. It feels great.
So, it will be different. That is that.
Good day.
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